Tuesday, April 12, 2011

G-Code,Sex, and Lies

Sometimes the closest people to you are the ones to poison you first because you trust them to make your food, you get my drift? And to a woman the closest person to her is her man. Or is it appropriate to say cut buddy, friends with benefits, I want to live in your house but not work or help pay the bills, or ill call wait I mean TEXT you every now and then so I can creep through at night to smash and dash? Well in my case I have had them all and im sure all woman can relate to this chapter. When I was 18 I started going out often and I was told that “the crew” (which is a group of men who are all friends) can never break the G-Code and that meant that if any of the guys out of the group already had sex with a female and they liked her she was off limits, if they have a child together, or if they were their girlfriend. And if you broke the G-Code it s an automatic fight and in some situations death because its considered a form of disrespect. But in all honesty they all talk down on each other and mess around with each others girls when they have there head turned, but in my case it didn’t go so smooth. I befriended this guy named Adam  because I was dating his best friend J who also stayed directly across the street from him. So when J did me dirty or I needed to talk to someone about the situation who better to talk to then the person closest to him right? So I thought. J was a disrespectful cheating liar. Now what I didn’t understand was why J cheated because I didn’t want him he chased me literally. He asked for my number I told him no then a few days later he was calling me. And when I asked him how he got my number he said he stole It out of  a mutual friends phone. That should have been a red flag but it kind of turned me on so I continued to talk to him. Conversations got longer and my life has changed from just answering the phone. Sometimes I wish I wouldn’t have but I wouldn’t have my son if I didn’t. I can honestly say J was the 1st man that I loved and thought he loved me. About 2 months into dating he cheated on me all the time and then would threaten to kill me if I left him. It began to be a ritual, since I knew he was cheated he would get so drunk that he would call me and tell me he cheated and then cry to me and beg me not to leave him, but I always went back even though I had many other choices I was scared to leave him. A strong woman like myself in that type of situation broke me down and was emotionally and physically draining. The more he cheated the more time I spent with Adam. He would call and I didn’t answer as much so he got violent. I decided to allow him one last time to talk to me just to see what he had to say even though it didn’t matter at this point. When he came to visit that night he walked in my house and went looking through all my closets and outside to see if there had been a trace of another man. I didn’t pay it any attention I just laid in the bad because at this time I was use to his behavior. It was the same routine all the time he would cheat and I was a fat bitch and it was my fault that’s just how It went. While he was looking in the house I dialed 911 on my cell phone but didn’t press send and placed it under my pillow because I had an overwhelming feeling that he was going to do something to hurt me. Like most no good men the 2nd thing he did after searching my house was look through my fridge and cabinets. That was normal to me so I put my guard down. I had my back turned to the kitchen while laying in the bed. J walked in my room and stood in the doorway and said “Brandy who you been havin sex with? Tell the truth have you had sex with anybody?” I told him no which was the truth at the time, but I had been having “sexting” conversations with other people which was in my phone. When he was in the doorway I kept my back turned so I wasn’t looking at him. All I remember was feeling liquid being poured on me and jumping up swinging my fist. He told me one day that if he ever found out I was having sex with someone else he would pour bleach on me so that’s the first thing I thought it was. It was only water but I had just got my hair done so it was ruined. While I was swinging he threw me against the wall like a rag doll but he didn’t hit me but there was just a dead look in his eyes that I never seen before and he also had a gun but didn’t bring it in the house like he usually did thank god. That was the 1st time I feared for my life. All he kept asking for was my cell phone. I knew that if he would have got that then he truly would have hurt me. Since I knew I had 911 already on my screen I talked to him and told him I loved him and only him and he was just over reacting. He calmed down and went back into the kitchen. I grabbed my phone as soon as his shadow disappeared and whispered to the 911 dispatcher to hurry my life was in danger. There was no way I could have deleted the messages in my phone without it being visable and him grabbing it out of my hand. So that was the best thing to do for my safety. When the police got there he acted like I betrayed him in the worst way and he couldn’t believe it. The police asked me what happened I didn’t tell them he slammed me against the wall I just told them I needed something to where he cant come around. So I got a no trespassing order  on him thinking he would leave me alone. As soon as the police escorted him out I called Adam and his mother crying  to them about the situation and she told me to come stay the night with them so I wouldn’t be alone. She didn’t care for J too much since she was able to see all his activity because he lived across the street. I thought I wouldn’t talk to J for atleast a few days. He called me as soon as I got to Adams house still telling me he loved me and he over reacted and he was so sorry. I had my mind made up at this point. I was NOT going to go back to him point blank period! I told him to leave me alone and it would be best if we just go our separate ways all together. He didn’t like that at all. Days then weeks went by of him seeing my car at Adams house and he got more mad everyday. But me and Adam were a secret because he had a daughter by an associate of mine and if it got out that we were more than friends Adam would have been breaking the G-Code and I would have lost a friend even though we were not that close. It got to the point that I would be at adams house even when he wasn’t there because I had become friends with his cousins who were close in age. So on a regular day if I walked outside J would be across the street cussing me out one day then other days he would run across the street and try to talk. Sometimes adam would be present but once again since they were friends he had to act like we weren’t more then what we really were.  I had to try to explain to people that you cant help how you feel and me and Adam did care for each other a lot now. And we had been having sex. Of course there were rumors but no official proof because there were just too many mutual people we knew so it was easy to hide from him. My last encounter with J was when he saw me and Adam getting in the car and he was across the street playing a song called No help by Z-ro directed towards me and Adam. Adam didn’t notice it was different from every other day he was outside washing his car or pretending that day should I say, but his mother did. She leaned over and whispered in my ear and said “hunny I don’t like the way he is looking at you let him pull off first and then you just wait here 5-10 minutes before you leave” so I did. I left out the apartment and made a right and there was another lot of duplexes to our right. J was parked in there waiting for us to pass. As soon as I passed he came speeding out to the right side which was adams side blowing his horn telling me to pull over and calling my phone at the same time. Of course Adam was telling me to roll the window down and pull over. But I didn’t want them to fight. So every time he unlocked the door I locked it back as well as the window. And in a Chrysler Seabring if you hit the lock on the drivers side more than twice it child safety locks the entire car so he was locked in. We finally got stopped at a red light. My driver side window was broke so it had a small crack big enough to fit your hand in and J knew that. So in the broad day light in front of traffic at a red light he got out the car came up to my window  told me fuck me pulled my hair which made me hit my head extremely hard on the window then he spit on me. Since adam was locked in he was trying to jump over me to get out the car on my side but I wouldn’t let him. Everything happened so fast. J jumped back in his car and burned off in the other direction. Not knowing at this time I was pregnant. I didn’t know how to tell Adam because I didn’t want a baby that would have to be associated with drama. But I didn’t want to kill my baby. Adam always told me if I got pregnant we would keep it because he didn’t believe in abortion. But he was willing to kill his son just to not break the G-Code clearly not realizing he already did. Adam didn’t act too differently we still chilled for a few days once he found out but he never wanted to talk about my pregnancy. I didn’t know this man. That wasn’t the man that I had fell in love with. He finally asked me to have an abortion when we were at his home boys house outside on the front lawn. I exploded with anger and I called him everything but a child of god. As if I was a man he was so mad that he took off his shirt and balled his fist up at me like he was going to hit me. I told him to do it and I would break his fingers! Our mutual friend London ran out the house and
told him to get a grip he wasn’t going to hit me in his presence so I left and disappeared for 7 months. I let him see the ultrasound pictures  7 months later as well. He was so apologetic and I accepted simply because I knew I had 18 years to deal with him. There are many times I replay those days and not many people know the true story. All they know is im a friend of his daughters mother and now I have his baby and I dated his best friend. So I decided to share this just to let everyone out there know you are not alone. I know a few people in this situation as we speak. NEVER let ANYONE deprive you from what you are worth.