Monday, March 21, 2011


Betrayal is often defined as the breaking or violation of a presumptive contract, trust, or confidence. Atleast that is what the dictionary says. But in my 24 years on this earth I have realized betrayal goes far beyond those 3 things. When I think of betrayal I think of it as if it was a human being, since the ULTIMATE betrayal can only be done by a person. You must be careful who you let in your life and who you share your deepest secrets with because I can GUARANTEE you that they will be the ones to stab you in the back quicker than your worst enemy. At a young age I found out what betrayal really meant. My father has been married over 30 years, we all know my age so you do the math. His wife was absolutely distraught when she found out as she should be. But her reason for being upset was strange to me. It was not the fact that he had a child outside their marriage, but the fact that I was a girl. She always wanted a girl but was unable to give him one. So her hurt turned into jealousy and her jealousy turned into hate. My father let his wife dictate our relationship. You want to know why?? Because of money!! They had too much money together as a couple and as a 5 year old child my own father told me that he could not come around or take me to his house because his wife said he could not and if he did she would take everything he had from him. How was I suppose to digest that when I was only in kindergarten?? My father picked money over our relationship! I can count on 1 hand how many times I have seen my father and he lived 1.2 miles from me.  He always used to pinky promise me that he would not let his wife come between our relationship. Every promise he made he broke, which is why I do not make promises. I have seen my dad all of 5 times in my life and every time he assured me that it would not be the last. Until 1 day he told me to never call him again because his wife didn’t want anything to do with me so he couldn’t have any part of me either. It took me a while to cover up my pain with a smile but I thank him because it has made me a stronger woman today. When I was a sophomore in high school I moved from Michigan to Texas and became the varsity boys basketball manager and made a lot of friends in a matter of 1 week. I looked up to them as if they were my brothers and I thought they felt the same way.  We laughed together went to parties together and just developed a friendship that I truly cherished. I remember this day like it was yesterday. Someone came and told me that the ENTIRE basketball team was talking about me and calling me a hippo, whale, elephant, and anything you can think of at McDonalds in front of a crowd of people. When I found out my heart just dropped to the floor I didn’t understand. I thought these were my friends, so how could they betray me like that and say those nasty things?? Many of them actually tried to have sex with me.And who wants to have sex with a hippo right? I wanted answers and nobody could give them to me. They were shocked when I found out so all they could say was sorry, but that wasn’t good enough! So I went to the basketball coach and told him what happened and he was livid. During practice that day he made them do extra suicides and give me a formal apology. Since that’s all they could do I had to forgive them since the damage had already been done. Anytime I get into any type of argument with anyone that’s all they can say is you’re fat or whatever makes them feel they an hurt me even my own family! News flash that doesn't hurt me anymore :) I took my cousin into my home when she had NO WHERE TO GO! Her own mother is so addicted to drugs that she made my cousin get an abortion and took her pain medication from her just to support her habit! And when my aunt was confronted about it what is the first thing she says to me? Shut up fat b!tch which was expected! My oldest cousin has told me through her own mouth that she was jealous of my life and she wishes she had my mother and not her own. But for some reason she wants nothing to do with me because she says I think im all that. If I don’t think so who will? Mind you this is the same cousin who was on crack and had a baby and was still breast feeding him while she was on crack. This caused my 6 month year old cousin to have a heart attack and die, but im the bad person because I have confidence! The moral to this chapter is no matter what happens keep your head up! Family will throw a dagger in your back quicker then your worst enemy. And in this day and age you can not trust anyone! The person I trusted the most hurt me the most. But you must put your faith in the lord because I refuse to let the devil change who I am. Thank you for reading and I hope you take from this that you’re not the only person going through things. The devil is busy but DO NOT let him defeat you! God bless.